I know there are many different ways people choose their outfits. By nature, I am a thinker and a planner. This is also true when it comes to choosing what I wear. Through the fashion design classes I took in college, I learned a lot about color, design, pairing certain items and accessories, etc. Some days, I just don’t care what I wear. I’m not consumed by fashion trends. I don’t enjoy clothes shopping at all, but I do think it’s important to be modest and do the best with what I have.

During some very difficult financial times, I learned a few helpful tricks on how to do a lot with a little money. To this day, I still shop at the Good Will and other second-hand stores. Some find that embarassing, but you would not believe the amazing deals you can find. There was a time when I had no problem paying a lot of money for clothes, but I have learned over time it’s better to be a good steward of my money than it is to have the newest and nicest clothes.

As I was getting ready this morning, I found the outfit I had planned to wear just didn’t work. It wasn’t a fancy outfit. It was a simple outfit made up of a red t-shirt, a gray jacket, jeans, and my favorite chuck taylors, but there were several reasons I found I wouldn’t be able to wear it. First, it was raining. If you have curly hair, you understand the issues that come with rain. In less than a minute, rain has the ability to change a great hair day into the biggest frizzy-hairball day ever. Second, the jacket just didn’t look right with the T-shirt and jeans I had planned on wearing. I had chosen the T-shirt because of its sentimental value and tried everything I could think of to make it work, but I just couldn’t.

When I left the house, I was wearing my favorite black hat, a red hoodie over a plain black T-shirt, with my jeans and favorite chuck taylors. The outfit worked much better than the outfit I had orginally planned to wear, but I was frustrated. I was mulling it all over when God ended up turning it into a teachable moment. Even though I wasn’t able to wear what I had hoped to wear, the outfit I ended up wearing was a much better choice. No, it was not my first choice and it took some re-evaluating and rearranging before I found it, but it ended up being the best choice. Not only did I feel comfortable in the final outfit choice, it felt really good to know it had turned out even better than the outfit I had planned on wearing.

Even though it may seem silly to talk about choosing an outfit to wear, this process bears some resemblance to the way I have lived my life at times. I have had plans and thought I knew the best way to do something. There are times I expected things to turn out in a certain way, only to later find out it wouldn’t look at all the way I thought it would. With the unexpected comes disappointment. This is normal, but we can’t allow the disappointments of life to keep us down.

This is not a blog I wanted to write. In fact, it’s something I have resisted writing about because it felt as if writing about it was the same as accepting defeat. As you have probably figured out by now, this is about much more than clothes. It’s about a mindset. It’s about learning how to truly believe God’s plans and ways are better than our own. This is something I struggle with. Yes, there have been times in life when it was easier to believe this than others. During the past few years, I have been faced with too many heartbreaking disappointments to count. I’ve been forced to re-evaluate things I would rather not even think about, much less be forced to make the heart-wrenching decision to release every last one of my hopes and dreams into God’s hands and tell Him it’s okay if He chooses to not let any of my dreams come true. It’s easy to say God knows best and His ways are higher than our own. Words are easy to say, but living those beliefs out on a daily basis can be challenging.

As I was reminded today in the seemingly insignificant situation of choosing an outfit for the day, God has the ability to take what we have and make it better than we ever expected. We may have to look at our lives, re-evaluate things, and allow Him to rearrange our expectations, dreams, and priorities, but His ways truly are best!!!

For those curious about MOSAIC OF A BROKEN HEART, here’s a snippet of the first chapter…

Copyright 2014 by Sara Jouret
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Chapter 1: Waking Up

The world is black. I can hear people talking, but they feel so far away. I am positive this is all a dream. I want to open my eyes, but my eyelids won’t obey my brain. I am paralyzed, but I’m not sure if it’s a result of fear, a medical condition, or if it’s all just part of this very long nightmare.

Frantically, I attempt to search my brain to figure out why my eyes are closed in the first place. As hard as I try to figure it out, it doesn’t seem to matter. I can’t remember anything. My brain feels paralyzed. This realization seems to only make the fear worse, which ends up making it even more difficult to open my eyes.

Am I dead? Is this what it feels like to be dead? A state of seemingly nothingness, with the faint murmur of voices in the background. I am confused. The fear only deepens. The thought of being dead hits me like a ton of bricks. I can’t be dead! I am only fourteen years old. I’m supposed to have my entire life in front of me.

If I am dead, there are so many things I’ll never get to do. I will never have the chance to finish high school. I will never get to go to another summer camp. I will never get to go swimming again. I will never get to read another book. I will never get to fill another journal. I cannot be dead. Why would I hear voices in the distance if I am dead?

If I am dead, all of the obstacles I have faced up to this point will be for nothing. Actually, my entire short life will look like a series of obstacles simply followed by my tragic death. Having to deal with chronic ear infections from early infancy which led to hearing loss. Being diagnosed with epilepsy at age two and having to deal with seizures which always occurred at the most inconvenient times. All of the accidents resulting in blood loss, broken bones, and/or stitches. Even the countless bouts of strep throat, the difficulty breathing, and the snoring like an 80-year-old man, which brought relentless teasing from others through the years. Why did I go through it all if I am now dead?

I have never had a boyfriend. I have never fallen in love. If I am dead, my life was just a big waste. I have spent my fourteen years of life trying to deal with one crisis, only to be faced with another one.

If I am dead, what are people going to say about me? Have I lived a God-honoring life? Will people even remember me once I have been buried?

I hear music and voices. Does this mean I am close to heaven? I don’t think there will be any music in hell. Actually, life without music would be hell. Music is my life and the best thing ever. I don’t want to even begin to imagine my life without it. Why do I keep thinking about life if I am dead? Is this normal? I have no idea. I have never been dead before.

Why won’t my eyes open? This is really starting to irritate me. I just want to open my eyes. Is this too much to ask? I don’t want to be dead. I can’t be dead. I must keep trying. Eventually my eyes will open, but I am too tired to try again right now. I can’t stay awake any longer. I must sleep.

_______________________________________________

I have to try again. This nightmare is dragging on. All I want is for it to end. I really need to open my eyes. O Lord, please help me to open my eyes. I cannot do it without Your help, so I am going to try again.

Here goes….

Oh, my word!! It’s too bright!!

The darkness disappeared for a brief moment, but returned. It’s too bright to keep my eyes open for more than a second. The voices are getting louder and sound excited. Where am I?? I need to open my eyes again, but I have no idea what to expect. I don’t recognize any of the voices. They are too muffled.

It’s so bright. Everything is white. Am I in heaven? Am I paralyzed? I can’t move my hands or feet. Can I move my head? Why can’t I move my head??

They look like doctors. I keep hearing them talk about someone named Beth. Who is Beth? Who am I? Where am I? Are these doctors? Am I in a hospital? If I am in a hospital, why am I in a hospital? I don’t know who they are, but they keep walking around the room. Who is this lady leaning over my bed? She said my name is Beth. Am I Beth? Oh Lord, help me!! I cannot do this on my own!!

The lady leaning over my bed just told me she is my mother. She said her name is Susan. Why should I believe her? I have never seen her before. Why are all these strangers standing around my bed? There is a teenage guy and a younger boy. The teenager said his name is Matt. He said he is my older brother. The younger boy said his name is Jake and told me he is my younger brother. Why don’t I recognize them? The man standing next to them said his name is Jack. He said he is my dad, but I don’t recognize him either. I need to close my eyes. It was easier when my eyes weren’t open.

Beautiful darkness. I can still hear the voices, but I don’t care. I am too tired. I need sleep.

If you would like to read the rest of the story, all you have to do is go to http://sarajouret.com/app/store/ or click on the “STORE” link in the upper right hand corner of this page.
You can download the ebook for only $15.

Love. It’s a beautiful gift from God.

Divorce. It was not a word in my vocabulary. Marriage is a life-long commitment, which I intended to keep no matter what.

This was my mind-set as I entered the marriage covenant on September 13, 2008, so I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when the abuse began on September 14, 2008. He was yelling at me and cussing me out for at least 15 minutes. He had never yelled at me or cussed me out before. He had never even raised his voice when talking to me before that moment. I was in shock. At the time, I didn’t call it abuse. Actually, it took me a while before I even acknowledged it as abuse. I kept saying he had been stressed from the wedding. I refused to see it for what it was.

After I endured fourteen months of abuse, he officially abandoned me on December 23, 2009. Even after the abandonment, I thought things might change. They did not.

Abuse. It is unacceptable, and it must end.

I know you must be thinking.
She probably met him in a bar or a club.
Wrong.
I met him at church.
I’ve never been into the bar or club scene.

Your next thought.
She probably didn’t know him very long.
Wrong.
I met him when we were both in college back in 1998.

Abuse. It’s everywhere. It doesn’t just exist in bars and clubs. It exists in churches, as well. Abuse does not honor God, and it must end.

If you truly love someone, you won’t abuse them. Period.

Love. It’s a beautiful gift from God.

As the completion of my first book is on the horizon, I have been thinking a lot about Genesis 50:20 (NIV) “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Writing this book has forced me to read every journal I’ve kept since 1991. I can assure you re-living each difficult situation over and over again hasn’t been an easy task, but I know it is a necessary part of the healing process for me. I know what it feels like to have every single piece of hope destroyed, but I’m also living proof God is able to restore hope beyond what can even be imagined. My constant prayer is for good to be born out of my heartbreak. If someone is encouraged and continues on this path called life when they feel as if all hope is gone, every ounce of pain I’ve experienced will be worth it.

As I have been walking through the editing process, I’ve made some profound discoveries about why my hope was destroyed in the first place and how it has been restored. I realized my hope was destroyed because I had been misplacing my hope. I had been putting my hope in people, in things, and even in myself, when I should have been placing my hope in Christ alone. As I was taking care of Grandma Jouret, God had the chance the rebuild my hope day by day. I had absolutely nothing left. It was as if each day of the 20 months I took care of Grandma Jouret, God was helping me lay the solid foundation of hope I needed for the future He knew I would be living. Without that solid foundation of hope in Him alone, He knew I would surely crumble and not recover from the future trials I would be facing. Instead of crumbling beyond the point of repair, I was able to learn, grow, and thrive in ways I would have never thought possible.

The process of having hope restored rarely happens immediately. For me, it happened over time as I continued to choose to take each step forward in spite of the pain. My hope was restored slowly as I poured myself out helping those in need around me.

One of my heart’s strongest desires is that others are able to come to know His love and find hope in Him through my story because I know He is the only true hope!!! He is the only reason I am alive, and He is the reason I keep living!!! He is also the only One who is able to bring beauty from my pain and use it for good!! For these things, I am forever grateful!!! Just as He has done these things for me, I know without a doubt, He can do the same for you if will allow Him to…but it is your choice.